BREAKING NEWS: Slugger Labbe presidential round table

This is a complete work of fiction and should not be taken serious by anyone. It in no way represents anyone, their beliefs, morals, or personal preferences. With all the hard feelings from the election I just wanted to make everyone laugh and thank everyone for their sense of humor. I’m taking the best of this year’s radio chatter and having some fun. Some of you know the abbreviations, but just in case… Slugger Labbe (SL), Austin Dillon (AD), Andy Houston (AH), Ryan Sparks (RS), Richard Childress (RC), Frank Mathalia (FM).

CCC: Slugger I want to thank you and your campaign staff for joining me today.

SL: You do what you gotta do.

CCC: Exactly right. Now your Presidential slogan was, “Make America Short Pit again.” What exactly does that mean?

SL: I dunno, think maybe we got a bad set of tires.

CCC: Ah, I see why you would want to stop early, get ahead of everyone on good tires! I guess that’s exactly what America needs, to get ahead. Who is your running mate here?

SL: That wood block, out of the cart.

CCC: I thought that CART had merged with IRL to form IndyCar, but it’s nice to see an interseries ticket. We haven’t seen Mr. Wood Block since your first visit to Talladega, is there a reason for that?

SL: You gotta move him!

CCC: I see. He doesn’t say much does he?

AH: He’s bein’ real complacent with everyone today.

CCC: Oh, I see. Andy, you’re the campaign manager, do you think you entered the race a little late?

AH: I didn’t have time to wash my hands.

CCC: I hope your wife will put some hand sanitizer in your bag then so you can eat at your next stop. I know you’ve got a stop in Arizona and one in Florida left, but even if you win both of those states that gives you 40 Electoral Votes, 230 shy of what you need. How do you plan to make that up?

AH: I’m using that Hickory math.

CCC: What is Hickory math and how will it help?

AH: Well I have to take off my shoes to count that high….

CCC: No, no… That’s ok. You don’t have to do that. Let’s just move along to Slugger’s campaign strategist, Sparky, what is you platform for this election cycle?

RS: Save fuel immediately.

CCC: What type of fuel are we talking about?

SL: We are about to go green here.

CCC: Renewable resources? That’s great, you think that will capture some votes?

SL: Right sides only.

CCC: Is there a way to get votes from the left?

SL: Don’t lock them up.

CCC: Ah, so freedom. Freedom can get you votes. Now Austin is one of your guys on the ground, Austin how do you help?

AD: I turn it and nothing changes.

CCC: Nothing changes, like votes or people? Is there something you aren’t telling us?

AD: I’d rather be lucky than good!

CCC: Luck does play a big part in elections and you’re lucky to have Richard Childress supporting you. What advice has he given you?

SL: Yeah, Richard…

RC: Stay on top. That’s where the good line is.

MD: If he stayed on top he wouldn’t have any problems.

CCC: So staying above the other candidates is the secret to winning?

FM: Long as they finish behind us.

CCC: Slugger, the AP has called the race for Mr. Trump and Mrs. Clinton has already conceded but you’re not willing to give up yet. Is there a reason why?

SL: We have a man with a groin injury.

CCC: So you’re doing it for the disabled?

SL: 10-4

AH: Do you want 10-4 or over?

SL: Whichever.

CCC: Frank, we noticed that the other candidates are in the big hotels this weekend but y’all were gathered in the hauler for election night, is there a reason why?

FM: Sure is shiny.

AH: Y’all have a better view of it.

SL: Yeah, it looked good.

CCC: Well can’t argue with that. Slugger, if you don’t win and eventually concede the victory, what do you plan to do.

SL: Make them respect us.

CCC: So you won’t accept the results of the election?

SL: Just gotta rerack.

CCC: So you will run again. Well I look forward to your next presidential bid if this one does not turn out in your favor. Anything else you’d like to say to those tuning in today?

SL: Thanks for not giving up on us.

CCC: Thanks to all of you guys for your time. Now, how do I get out of here?

SL: If you go straight out this gate, that’s the fastest way.

AH: Push him outta the way man, we got to go!

RC: Good job guys.

SL: We will get them next time.

AH: Bye Felicia!!!

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